Now you’re just taking the piss!

February/March

I have to go to a group therapy ‘thing’ before my op can be scheduled; to get my binge eating disorder under control. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but I’m not fond of ‘group’ anything, what I like most about therapy is that I get to be selfish for 50 whole minutes and not feel guilty. Listening to others’ gripes which are bound to be worse than mine will just bring all that guilt rushing back – argh!

For this course of therapy I needed to buy a book which as luck would have it, I’ve already got. Two years ago when I was first assessed for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), the therapist recommended a book for me to read, to keep me partially sane while I waited for my course of therapy to begin.

I bought the book immediately as it required nothing other than cash for me to do that. Upon its arrival I read the first five pages and shelved it. I’m great at getting the tools for stuff, be it decorating, starting a new hobby, overhauling my personality and trying to overcome my mental imbalance…whatever, but to actually expend some effort and use those tools…nah.

Anyhoo, the group is basically 2 therapists (at least I think they’re therapists) talking us through the 6 steps to recovery. (Btw the book is ‘Overcoming Binge Eating’ by Chris Fairburn) I’ve read the whole thing now and it really works.

I’m by no means cured but I understand my impulses more, and am therefore more able to control myself. The first half of the book explains what BED is, what the typical signs are and outlines the research which has been done. The second half is where Dr Fairburn outlines the 6 steps which have been proven to work for most sufferers. The first is keeping a food diary of your usual behaviour and the emotions which have lead you to eat this particular food. The second is trying to eat set meals throughout the day, breakfast, lunch and dinner with 3 snacks between these meals – eating something every 3 to 4 hours. It carries on like this giving you small but achievable goals which should help get the disorder under control.

Group therapy btw - not as bad as I thought. It was kind of a relief to know that there are people out there who look ‘normal’ yet feel exactly as I do – as even after reading self help books and case studies, I still thought I was at the extreme of the spectrum and totally not the norm of people with BED.

I was completely wrong when I said that food is my addiction, it’s not; my problem is my constant failure at trying to avoid food. Addicts seek out their vice, whatever it may be, I on the other hand spend each day trying to avoid it then when this doesn’t succeed as it obviously won’t, I throw the towel in and eat everything I can lay my hands on. I’m constantly fighting my body’s natural rhythm by either starving it of nutrients it needs or overloading it with sugar and fats that it doesn’t.