Bariatric Surgery Progress Report

November 2009

I had a weight monitoring appointment two weeks ago Friday, I lost 3.5 kilos (about 7.7lbs in old money) but when you’re as big as I am 7lbs is nothing. I wish I could stop eating, just completely stop.

Food addiction – yes it’s most definitely an addiction – is much harder to combat than most people realise. If I were an alcoholic I’d avoid alcohol and just never touch the stuff again, same goes for cocaine or heroin, (not that I’m saying those addictions are easy to kick), but you have to eat some food for survival. You don’t need a small amount of coke on a daily basis – no matter what your inner demon tells you. There’s no way I can just say I’ll never touch food again, as even on meal replacement diets you’re still consuming some sort of food!

It’s also not about a lack of self control, as everyday I’d exhibit self control when I didn’t eat until I was ravenous. It’s more about self loathing, as I didn’t think I deserved to be thin. I’m not sure why but I was plagued by the conviction that I wasn’t a good person, and as such I didn’t deserve all the things I wanted for myself.

I had an assessment appointment Monday gone, where I just had to reiterate why I wanted the operation, what I’m expecting from it, what size I will be happy with. I think I screwed up as I said a size 12, even though I’ve never been a size 12 in my adult years – size 14 was my smallest.